Proper Nouns and Pronouns
“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”
—Ernest Hemingway
The art of writing is about mastering word placement. It is not an easy skill to grasp. Skillful use of pronouns and proper nouns takes experience. The only way to gain experience is to practice, practice, practice writing.
Proper Nouns
A proper noun is the capitalized name of a person, a place, a thing, or an organization. Simple enough. Right?
The problem comes when overusing the proper noun in a paragraph, scene, or chapter. Resolving this simple principle goes a long way in a novel.
But sometimes it is not that simple. The more you use a character’s name in a scene, the greater the distance it creates between the reader and the character.
There are no set guidelines. In short, only use a character’s name for clarity. Use the “he” or “she” pronouns throughout the scene. And don’t mix it around. This means not referring to the character as the Marine, the man, the woman, or the cop.
Picture this:
Sam Crus is the POVC in focus. He is a disabled ex-Army Ranger on the run.
Issue: (Cruz, the ex-soldier)
Cruz thanked the trucker and jumped off the rig in Jacinto City, a small municipality a few miles east of the heart of Houston. It was one of those mini-cities eaten up by a larger one.
Cruz would not press his luck and figured he would spend the night and take a bus in the morning.
Cruz walked south, looking for a motel. There were plenty of them, but not what
Cruz was looking for. He walked another hour further away from the interstate.
Cruz checked on two, but the motels required an ID and a credit card. So
Cruz kept walking further. His left hip ached, his neck felt stiff, and his throat felt dry. Up ahead, music blared from a honky-tonk. The music had a nice two-step rhythm to it. The steel guitar wailed, and no doubt they sold something cold to drink, so
the ex-soldier headed for it.
♦ Does this paragraph read fine? Maybe. Notice how the frequent mention of the character’s name, “Cruz,” created a greater distance. And using “the ex-soldier” near the end did not help. The reader will pause. A speed bump.
Fix:
Cruz thanked the trucker and jumped off the rig in Jacinto City, a small municipality a few miles east of the heart of Houston. It was one of those mini-cities eaten up by a larger one. He would not press his luck and figured he would spend the night and take a bus in the morning. Cruz walked south, looking for a motel. There were plenty of them, but not what he was looking for, and he continued walking another hour further away from the interstate. He checked on two, but the motels required an ID and a credit card. So he kept walking further. His left hip ached, his neck felt stiff, and his throat felt dry. Up ahead, music blared from a honky-tonk. The music had a nice two-step rhythm to it. The steel guitar wailed, and no doubt they sold something cold to drink, so he headed for it.
♦In this example, the first sentence tells the reader who the character is and what he sees, does, and thinks. Notice how this rewrite reads smoother. There is no need to keep mentioning the character’s name, and removing the noun “ex-soldier” made a difference.
Note:
Besides repeating proper nouns, avoid starting three consecutive sentences in a row with the same word. Any word. Two repeats are acceptable, but no repeat is even better. Another thing to watch for is repeated ending words in a sentence.
Pronouns
Pronouns are substitute words for proper nouns. In this chapter, I am referring to the character’s name. Overusing a pronoun in a paragraph, scene, or chapter causes distance and reduces reader engagement. The goal is to cut down on pronouns.
But you cannot avoid using proper nouns and pronouns altogether. The trick is balancing the usage of the character’s name and the associated pronoun. This takes thought and practice.
Common Pronouns:
| he |
its |
they |
| her |
she |
this |
| hers |
that |
those |
| him |
their |
we |
| his |
them |
|
| it |
these |
|
Tips:
1. Avoid unnecessary details.
If the detail does not enhance the plot, you do not need it. Provide only important information to the reader. Always keep the scene structure in mind.
2. Combining two sentences.
Sometimes, combining two sentences into one can eliminate a pronoun. But do not make this your standard fix. You want to vary your sentence structure.
3. Count the number of pronouns used.
Count the pronouns and see if you can rewrite the sentence or sentences without changing the content or clarity. If you focus on the POVC, the reader will know it. A little ambiguity will not matter. The reader is smart.
Revisit the previous example:
In the previous example, I removed the repeated proper noun, “Cruz.” The paragraph reads better, but now I want to reduce the number of pronouns used.
Cruz thanked the trucker and jumped off the rig in Jacinto City, a small municipality a few miles east of the heart of Houston. It was one of those mini-cities eaten up by a larger one. He would not press his luck and figured he would spend the night and take a bus in the morning. Cruz walked south, looking for a motel. There were plenty of them, but not what he was looking for, and he continued walking another hour further away from the interstate. He checked on two, but the motels required an ID and a credit card. So he kept walking further. His left hip ached, his neck felt stiff, and his throat felt dry. Up ahead, music blared from a honky-tonk. The music had a nice two-step rhythm to it. The steel guitar wailed, and no doubt they sold something cold to drink, so he headed for it.
♦ How many pronouns can I eliminate in this scene? The pronoun “his” is mentioned 4 times, and the pronoun “he” is mentioned 7 times.
Fix:
Cruz thanked the trucker and jumped off the rig in Jacinto City, a small municipality a few miles east of the heart of Houston. One of those mini-cities swallowed up by a larger one. It was almost midnight. Better spend the night and take a bus in the morning. He strutted south in search of a motel. There were plenty of them, but not what he was looking for. Maybe up ahead, and headed further away from the interstate. He checked on two, but the motels required an ID and a credit card, and continued searching. A sharp spasm pierced his left hip, and his throat felt dry. Up ahead, music blared from a honky-tonk. The music had a nice two-step rhythm to it. The steel guitar wailed, and no doubt they sold something cold to drink, so he headed for it.
♦ Does this read better? The rewrite now has 2 “his” pronouns instead of 4, and 3 “he” pronouns instead of 7.
In Summary:
Proper nouns and pronouns are important in storytelling. You cannot eliminate all proper nouns or pronouns in a paragraph, scene, or chapter.
Remember, anything can be written in a dozen different ways. There is no standard rule. The goal is to reduce the occurrence of proper nouns or pronouns without losing the story’s flow and clarity.
If you need to repeat a proper noun or pronoun, repeat it. Just be aware of the echo and the distance it may cause.